The Heart of Yearnings

~The Elements Of Admiration

You walk around in a frantic flood of thought of your own, come across a person– dynamic. Either they are central to your life or merely an acquaintance. A hidden part of you intensely admires them on the inside. It could be the way their voice, as soft as silk– caresses the mind of any being, including you, making everyone feel as though they are glorified and loved by all. Every day, you pass by them– probably while obliviously walking your dog or hurriedly running through your backyard as you prepare for mornings and work. Perhaps you sleep by their side or maybe even share blood with them. They stay uprightly attentive mostly, and maybe rarely or usually even await your presence with an expectation– but every single time, as the words try hard to effortlessly slip out of your mouth: “Can I take you out for tea today?” Or “I appreciate how you somehow make my life more important,” or even something as small and simple yet genuine as— I love you, some bright red traffic signal appears and develops a feeling in you– Selfishness. 

The chaos in your mind and the havoc in your routine turns you into a self-absorbed, and sometimes even an excessively egoistic person. Self is all that concerns you. And while you may occasionally think of their charisma and it’s positivity on you or their efforts, you would not ever give even a small piece of mind to thought towards appreciation or return. 

And one day— maybe days, months or even several years later, you would one day see their body lifeless and soul parting. All that was with them– the crinkles of their eyes as they smiled when they sensed comfort creep back into you or how their greets were never dull or tired– it would all end right there and then. And maybe then only, your stubborn little friend– Selfishness, would reach its limit and also depart, putting you in permanent remorse; not only because of refusing to extend your part to them but also because all that was seconds away from being said reminded unspoken, forever. 

There is that girl– unbelievably beautiful. How is she so ravishing in very crowd? 

Look at that guy– how can he be so intelligent and smart? 

That widowed woman in red– how did she impeccably raise her four kids to be perfect, independent individuals? 

How can that man earn humungous five figures every month without putting in blood and sweat at all? 

While you come across one, two, or even all categories, again, you admire. But is not like the kind of admiration you felt for people who genuinely cared for you like before, no; it is the other kind that kills you– pushes you into a want of attention from those certain people because of idolization. What drove you into it is easy to comprehend– you like a certain aspect of them and it is natural that it leads to a wanting of adopting it as well. Though it is likely that at the end of the day, you would not exactly be just as they are but because of being deeply inspired by their aspirations, appearance, personality or abilities, mimicking is inevitable and would cause your instinct to ask: “I really like the way you are and how you do it!” Or “How can I also be that way?” But then again, you hit another pressing red signal and it produces two difficult twins– Ego and Envy. If that were said that to those certain people, you believe that something inside you would cease-- a dignity of some sort or self-respect. You think that greatness belonged to you only and it would be belittled by their charm. The result is obvious— in your field, you would soon breed and cultivate hatred due to these twins and the crippling feeling of having to move further ahead of all becomes a milestone and would replace all other far more important accomplishments of yours. 

Such is the huge dilemma you and I deal with in everyday life. 

Abort these twins and quit racing; follow your pace. Transform your envious admiration into a lovely compliment– straight from the heart. Love yourself and people for being true to their self and do not ever, ever hesitate if you have to ask them for advice or insight– your self-respect can only expand and grow that way; not by conserving it through plain silence and jealousy. 

Admiration grows three elements— Selfishness, Ego and Envy. Carry them cautiously and tackle all three soonest. 

"Failure comes from ego, greed, envy, fear, imitation. I have success not because I am smart, but because I am rational." - Warren Buffet

It is never too late to say something; be open and honest and learn to express before the toxic takes over.

Ilsa Tariq