~Judgement without Experience
My hollow stomach twisted in crippling anxiety as my thoughts fled to my expected travel to the United States on January 25, 2017.
Why?-- you may ask. I had quite a few valid reasons that explain my extreme paranoia. First of all, the fresh emergence of widespread Islamophobia across the west which would certainly target me because of my recent adoption of a headscarf. Not just that, the most bigotry of all took office of such a diverse nation which I truly looked up to as my second-home and sadly, it could now be lost. It does not end just here; the very day I flew out, Donald Jr. Trump passed an executive order of banning Muslims from seven countries-- most of them neighboring my country, Pakistan (thankfully not among the seven). So you see, my panic was genuine as discrimination against me was definitely inevitable.
Fear and uproar spread across social media, violent protests and marches dominated Washington D.C-- also coincidentally being my destination out of all the other several American cities I usually choose over the Capital.
As we zipped into U.S airspace, I could feel my confidence and identity shrink with every descend. And when I set foot on the "land of the free" and breathed in its air, I rather felt a strain on my freedom instead of experiencing relief like how I always did before. Sad.
The immigration queue was never-ending, as usual. I did not mind it, though-- it is not like I were looking forward to it. When the train of people ahead of us started dwindling, My turn was inescapable. To be honest, it was that very moment when paranoia and fear overtook me even more intensely. I shivered; and it was noticeable.
However, slowly and gradually, my fear decelerated. I thought to myself-- the border protection officer is just like any other person. He probably watches soccer with his pals on Sundays or plays Fortnite all day. He might even disagree with some of the stark measures. Not everyone is desensitized like their leader. In my homeland, our leaders are utterly corrupt, but that certainly would not do justice if we too, were considered or assumed as “corrupt people” by the outside world.
I was right. The man did not even possess the slightest form of intimidation or a hardened look. He was a humorist and did not refrain from cracking any joke that came to his head. I felt more relieved than before.
Late in the night-- towards midnight, I prompted to visit central D.C and surprisingly, did not hesitate despite tightening security measures and threats. Being the one and only soul in front of the caged White House apart from Police and the Secret Service, I whirled around at exact 12 AM, peering through the bars to get a good view of the lightened windows of the White House. There-- I spotted a lit room, guessing that Mr. Trump would probably be contemplating another executive order. If only he could peek out for a second and catch a view of me-- a frivolous veiled girl who crossed thousands of miles just to say “hi” and teach how to love (just kidding, ha-ha).
My heart sank and jolted as a voice behind me rippled, "Do you want me to tell 'em Secret Service to call the man out to chill?" It was a cop. Amazed by his silly remark in such a sensitive situation and tense environment, I could not help but laugh.
No one minded my presence and nothing stopped me from being "me".
If there is one lesson I had learnt out of this, it would be not to be dreadful and fearsome and embrace the little hope in people that there is. Of course, racism does linger along with hatred-- a great deal of people have come across it, but not every person is abhorrent. Good people with understanding minds still exist amidst the turmoil in this world.
One can never be a judge without having experienced a situation in reality and being completely blinded by everything the media states.
Sometimes, not all has drained.
"I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe." - Dalai Lama
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| February 1, 2017-- The White House, Washington D.C |
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